Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Musings

I talked to Laura for a long time last night and I was reminded how much I miss work. Although I wouldn't take back our decision to have Jonah for anything, I do miss being able to be more dedicated to my career. Before moving I was only working one or two days a week and since moving in June I have been at home with Jonah. I'm hoping once we move in December I'll find a job that fits and childcare that works for us so that I can find a good balance between mom and nurse. I don't just miss the interaction with my coworkers but all the technical aspects of my job too. I don't know if I'll work at a hospital with a transport team but if I do I would like to apply. Even though I was still green I loved the opportunity to build my technical and critical thinking skills that being a transport nurse required. Although many hospitals have a physician on transport too so that wouldn't be as fun. Well maybe if they let you do all the intubations and decision making.

Anyway, it might just be a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. If we would have been in Peoria for Matt's intern year things would be totally different. I would be starting my second to last semester of grad school and Jonah would be in daycare 3 days a week. I try not to think about it because obviously it won't change things and Matt still feels guilty. I don't doubt we are supposed to be here and that it will make us a stronger family but that doesn't make it much easier. In the next year we'll have some tough decisions to make about my career and our family. I have decided that going back to Illinois to finish grad school is not an option for us. This means that the ball is in their court in that respect. They recommended I look into transferring but that would basically mean starting over and I don't know if it financially makes sense when I've already paid for over 50% of my degree there. In the meantime I am enjoying being with Jonah during his last days of babyhood and having Matt be the provider for the first time. We live well off one salary and won't know what to do with ourselves when we have two.

So this was a somewhat depressing post of my random thoughts. I promise I'll return to lighthearted and adorable photo filled programming tomorrow.

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